"put it on mah tab."

Mr. Schu is the police officer in Dan In Real Life...

Sneaky sneaky.



I scared my mom so bad when I sat up, screamed, and pointed at the screen.

this is the last post today, i swear.

this man is genius.



seriously, a mastermind.

"Hey, is your dad busy?"

I hate it when people ask this question when I answer the phone.

First of all, he's at work, at the company he owns. He's obviously busy.
Secondly, it's like a rhetorical question that has to be answered, and the answer must be "No, not at all."
Thirdly, why don't you just ask if he's available, aka taking calls, not on the other line, etc...

So I always have to say no, which is a lie, so thanks for making me a liar people. Thanks a lot.


oh yes, according to Mimi + Meg, it's Ice Cream Sandwich Day and Simplify Your Life Week, which is ironic, because I'm pretty sure that having an ice cream sandwich right now would seriously simplify my life, or at least trick me into thinking it's simplified for a minute or two.

how many words do YOU know?

I took this vocabulary test... unfortunately, but not surprisingly I know less words than the average 23 year old. According to this test I know about 19,000 words, which seemed pretty high until I looked at the averages.

found this on tumblr.

clutz, broke, pretty.

touche girl, touche.

driving to work...

I saw a Chihuahua getting humped by a Pomeranian.

It made me realize how blessesd I am, nobody, dog or the like, should have to start their day like that...


Unfortunately, I was too shocked to get a picture.

oh hey, Naked.

You taste like dirt.

Ok, that's a lie. It tasted good, but had the consistency of dirt.

DIRT.

I don't like chewing my juice.

I'll stick to my unhealthy, sugary, stuff. At least it's liquid, not sludge.

Bird update.

Well, the last baby bird Charlie attacked, or tried to attack, lived. It can't fly though.

There were three birdies in all. One died Monday, and one fell out but survived on Tuesday. We didn't put him** back in the nest because we didn't know exactly how the Mama and Daddy bird would react, so my mom has been trying to take care of it, aka keep Charlie away from it. After talking to Joe we all decided to just try to put him back in the nest anyway.

Mom put him up there, and literally, 45 seconds later he fell out again, with his brother. So now there are two baby birds, that can't fly, just chillin on the back porch.

Yall, they are so cute. Seriously, ridiculously cute, but it is creating a serious problem with Charlie. We can't just let her out. We also are not sure if the birds are ever going to fly. With that being said, obviously me and my mom are both already attached, and can't just let nature run it's course, so we're going to allow ourselves to be inconvenienced a little longer. Mark my words, if they die, tears will be shed by me and my mom.

**I'm assuming they are both males because obviously, only men would jump out of nest thinking they can fly when they really can't.

previous post concerning the birds.

"You're a monster." That should be read in the Gingerbread Man's voice from Shrek. Just so you know.
This line just keeps playing in my head...

Charlie has killed two birds in two days, she's out of control.
We've had a Mud Martin nest on our back porch since the beginning of the summer. The husband and wife, yes that's what I call them because they look like love birds, have been buidling their nest and (supposedly) making some babies.. Well, they had three a few weeks ago, and seriously, these little birds are adorable. And I don't even like birds.

Monday evening I had let Charlie out to pee... and while I waas watching TV I noticed she was barking. ALOT. So I went to investigate and realized that she had a baby bird... playing with it. I finally got her away, but the bird didn't make it. The worst part: I had to dispose of the dead birdie. Birds are gross. I know I said they're cute, but that doesn't mean I want to touch them or even be nearer to them than about 10 feet.

Last night, the same thing happened. Except Mama bird was flying around Charlie and baby bird was trying to fly/run away. So I ran out and grabbed Charlie, put her inside, and realized that baby was still alive.
Well, I sure wasn't going to touch it. I waited til my mom got home and she put near the nest, hoping Mama can nurse it back to health, or feed it, or whatever. I hate to be the pessimist, but there's no way in hell that baby is surviving...

Charlie: Seven pounds of pure baby killing terror. be afraid.

that moment...

When a man calls and asks what the phone number is.

Here's how the convo went:

Automatic Fire Protection

Yes, is Marty in?

No, he won't be in until tomorrow. He's been on vacation.

Well, tell me, you have another number, 651-2601, it has been disconnected?

Nooo... that's not our phone number. Our's is 651-9000

Oh, that's not your number?

no...

So what is the best number to reach your office with?

six. five. one. nine thousand.

Ooh, ok. That's your phone number.

Yes sir.

(what part of this do you not understand?!)

Ok, thank you.



Oh hey, Arby's. I didn't know that you're a motivational speaker these days.

Also, on my box of fries said, "Nibble, Giggle, Repeat."
I'm sorry... but that's what she said.
Also, how wonderful are their fries. Love. Them.