Friends?

I intend for this question to be completely serious.

There's this guy... (this should be hint that this post can go nowhere but down) that I have been off/on with for the past 6 years. Literally. Junior year of high school the saga began. He's hot when I'm cold, I'm hot when he's cold.

Right now, I'm cold. Freezing. I'm about to leave for Germany for 6 months. I'm not sure I'm capable of committing to relationship right now, without the added 'I'm leaving the country for 6 months' dynamic. I digress, he has accused me multiple times of leading him on. And he's gotten mad about it. (and vice versa) Let's not give the impression that he's innocent in the leading on area of this relationship (and I use the term Relationship loosely. really loosely) Recently I invited him to hang out.

Shame.
On.
Me.

Let's just say, he's hot right now. I'm not talking about my opinions of his looks either, which are not bad, by any means.

I didn't know it was not ok to ask an old friend to get together and catch up, or maybe I did, and I was just playing with fire. Well, darlings, I got Burned. He took me home and I totally had to dip out of that sketchy situation where you're avoiding the kiss.

I'm at a loss. Apparently, it is time to lose a friend. It's not fair to either of us to always keep each other on the back burner, especially if we're never both on the front burner. (that was a bad analogy, but you get the drift.) It makes me feel really guilty when I do it. I don't think that's fair either. Why should I feel guilty for just wanting to have a plutonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Harry really knew what he was talking about...
sex** always gets in the way.

**There's no sex involved, just to clear the air. Not that it's any of your business. But you get my point.

Boys.

Obviously, boys are on my mind alot. That sounds funny... but seriously, recently I've had several conversations with girls and guys alike, all regarding guys - their behavior, what's acceptable in relationships, porn, etc.

Guys are interesting creatures... I'm sure they say the same about girls and that's fine, but I do think that we have compeletely different logic on most issues. We think about things differently. I recently read this article in Marie Claire about bachelor parties. It recounts several guys stories of their bachelor parties, or a friend's. The one thing that upset me the most was this: "You're only visiting a strip club when a guy gets dumped or engaged."

You have got to be joking... it's really scary that he just compared getting married to breaking up. This is unacceptable. You cannot tell me that these guys actually believe that this 'rite of passage' into marriage is celebrated with sleeping with a hooker. You want to have a night out with the guys, I'm totally ok with. I want a night with my girls every now and then, but there are boundaries. There are still rules, and the rules apply even when your are drinking, the night before you get married, the rules apply everyday and you don't get a 'hall pass' for special occasions. Furthermore, I read an article in Comso (I couldn't find it to post the link) that discussed guys watching porn. Basically it mentioned that as girlfriends, fiancees, and wives we should just accept the fact that the men we love are going to watch porn, and there is nothing that we can do about, we should just deal. NO! NO! NO! I will not put up with it. What is with this generation of guys... that think that they can get away with anything? I don't even want to start on the fact that the mainstream media continually condones these ideas and feeds these unbelievable truths to our young girls.

Porn is cheating, so is going to a strip club, and so is sleeping with or even kissing someone when you're drunk. It's all the same, it's all disrespectful, and it's all just plain rude. I've had several guys insinuate to me recently that if you're drunk then cheating on your girlfriend isn't nearly as bad. Maybe guys have been like this for generations. If so, I guess I might be single forever. We, as women, are constantly disrespected and then led to believe that we are stupid for feeling angry or insecure about it. This is not how relationships are meant to be.

My faith in humanity is slipping... espeically the part of humanity that has a penis.

file under: My apologies, I have no idea where this rant came from.

if you are not a girl, I suggest you stop reading this post now.

I was in Target on the aisle with necessities that every pre menopausal woman needs once a month, contemplating what exactly I needed, when I look out of the corner of my eye and see a male employee, probably 20-25 years old coming my way.

I think to myself, "this is odd, why are you approaching me?"

He then says to me, "Hi, are you finding everything ok, do you need some help?"
Complete with a smirk.

/blushing uncontrollably
/blank stare

I attempt to recover and say, "Um... no I think I've got it covered, thanks."


Seriously?? Sorry, dude, this only one of many decisions in my life that I don't need a man to help me make....

boys.

Me: That liquid courage did us DIRRRTY
Tam: I have a dream. That one day we will have men in our lives that want us oh so bad and the liquid courage will only intensify things. One day.


you win some, you lose some....ammi right?!

To recap what I would call a rather successful weekend:

Friday:
Pool and Beer definitely happened with my momma.
It was wonderful.

Saturday:
There was a wedding at the rents house.
Considering it was 111 degrees at  5:00 pm, the whole thing went off without a hitch.
Although, I would prefer to avoid the disgustingly hot weather. I was sweating my face off (literally).

Sunday:
I drove to Austin to pick up the HSLP.
There was Free Birds, Jamba, Hula Hut, Buffalo Exchange, and 6th Street.
There was also, only 3.5 hours of sleep, drunk dials, and conversations about Gingers.

Monday:
Me and Tamura ate some wonderful kirby lane, drove home, went to visit my rents, and then I delivered her to her momma. Incidentally, there was a party at my house... involving 6 immature adults, a leftover keg of blue moon from the wedding, Wii Bowling, and very inapropro conversation.

and to sum it all up....
I walked into the office looking something like this:

as of about 2 months ago...

you'll remember, I wasn't very happy with someone.

Let me clarify... I was mean, rude, obnoxious... and somewhat snarky.

It's just my personality to jump to conclusions.
(not that that's an excuse)



So, with that being said:
To whom it may concern,

I would like to formally withdraw the statement.
I apologize.
I wasn't very nice and I should have confronted the situation head on.


Have a wonderful evening,
Me

p.s. I really am sorry and you can call me...

conversations with boys.

via text:

I think I have the perfect pickup line for you

Oh god. Let's hear it.

You wanna come over and watch the new Harry Potter on Blu Ray :)

I wouldn't say no. I ain't even ashamed...



100% truth.
How dare you use Harry Potter to get ahead in your game...?? Unacceptable!

Also, this is verification of just how nerdy I am.

oh wow.

Sometimes I wonder, no, I know, that I could be one of the most awkward people, well, possibly ever.

Friday I met a guy that I've had several people tell me I need to meet (and have told him, too.). Seriously, two different people know us both and have wanted us to meet. What are the odds.

I went.
I met.
I blushed uncontrollably.
I awkward silenced. (yes, that's a verb)
and
I left.

the end.

I think part of it is the pressure of being told you'r perfect for each other. It's like the whole thing is doomed before it begins.
One day, I will find a man (hopefully) that will find my weird and awkward personality endearing, until then, I just feel sorry for all the guys that are forced to endure it.

file under: I survived the rapture... awkwardness lives to see another day.

this is not a joke.

"girl u thick like i like it, tell me is there any more room for me up in them jeans."

That is a status that just came up on my facebook homepage.

...you've got to be kidding me.


I hate to break it to you, but any girl that responds to this probably has a more than one STD.




just saying.

To whom it may concern,

(you know exactly who you are... and if you don't, you are even more jaded than I can imagine)

"Hey white liar
the truth comes out a little at a time
and it spreads just like a fire
slips off of your tongue like turpentine
and i don´t know why
white liar

You better be careful what you do
I wouldn´t wanna be in your shoes
if they ever found you out
you better be careful what you say
it never really added up any way
I got friends in this town

Hey white liar
The truth comes out a little at a time
and it spreads just like a fire
slips off of your tongue like turpentine
and I don´t know why
White Liar"

Miranda Lambert says it so perfectly.

You've been caught. So, this is me telling you, don't call me anymore, don't text me anymore, don't contact me. If you happen to be in town and I see you, I'll be cordial, ask how you're doing, and be on my way. It's amazing how you can lie so much and think you'll never get caught. You could be such a great catch, if you knew how to be sincere, but I'm not sure if you have it in you or not. I refuse to be a pawn in your little game.

It was fun while it lasted, but now it's over.
Christina

some people say....

"There's other fish in the sea."

I prefer, "there's plenty more sharks in the ocean."

four words.

You never want to hear a guy say.

"I read your blog."


Glad that my freak status just went up infinitely...

No Valentine's Day text/call from this guy.

Inexcusable; I mean even if you're leading someone on you would text them on Valentine's, wouldn't you? Apparently I'm not being led on anymore. I'm over it. Between the distance and phone calls at 2:30 am that are less than charming, it's safe to say that is that.

However someone else texted me. A completely random someone else. So random, in fact, that I don't even know what to think about the situation.
Guess we'll see where this goes...

Just when I give up.. I get this text:

"Hello pretty girl, my name is **** ****** I dont know if you remember me, we kissed once. lol How's your day going?"

Oh, I remember... I remember well.
/giddy smile.

As much as I would love to admit that I'm over it. I'm not. The charm gets me everytime. I'm a sucker for those lines, I can only be so strong....

ain't it the truth...

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."

-- Jane Austen

I'm like a bad boy magnet.

You know, the boys that...
...have too many tattoos.
...ride motorcycles.
...don't call you back.
...would really piss my dad off if he knew I was with them.

Or, maybe...bad boys have the magnet, and I can't resist the gravitational pull that surrounds them.

Either way.

/sigh
Good times on 6th Street in Austin.

HAPPY MONDAY

"The chivalry level is enough to make me swoon and barf simultaneously. Its poetic tragedy at its finest."

- T. Turney

"I'm afraid when you're heart's involved, it all comes out in moron."
-Loralei Gilmore on the Gilmore Girls

It's amazing how one person, who is not even in the same state, can effect your emotions, your feelings, your mood. It's amazing how one person can confuse you, disappoint you, turn your day around, and make you smile all in 12-14 hours.


One person, particularly a man, should not have this much of an impact on your life. Unfortunately, I have a person like this in my life. This Guy. He's one of the few guys that I've opened up to. He knows more about me than I would ever feel comfortable enough to reveal to any other guy I've hung out with less than ten times.


He can irritate the crap out of me while being such a sweetheart.


Men. /sigh

I had the pleasure of talking to a pretty special person yesterday. He's a new friend, and has such an interesting perspective on life. He makes me so comfortable that when I talk to him conversation comes so easy, and I honestly feel like I can say whatever and he won't judge me or think I'm weird.**** So towards the end of the night he turns to me and says, "Can I ask you something?"

me: "Sure..."

him: "Sooo, you don't have a boyfriend, you just graduated, you have a very flexible job, you're beautiful, the world is at your fingertips..."

me: "Where are you going with this?"

him: "That's my question. What are you doing with your life? You can do anything you want, you're not tied down. So why are you still here?"

me: "ummm... I don't know."

him: "What are you passionate about? Like seriously passionate about? What brings you joy?"

me: (instantly) "Art, photography, history."

him: "So why don't you go take pictures? Take a spontaneous trip, move to a new city? You have the resources... just go."

So my question is, what am I doing? I'm such a Type A personality, I need to have my things in order. I need to know I'm going to have a paycheck, a place to come home to. But why do I need to know those things? Doesn't God always provide everything you need? Everything. Does his provision ever stop just because we might not be making the best decisions? Are there limits to His provisions?? I don't think so. God will always take care of me, and allow me the opportunity to get what I need. I'm not going to pretend that I had some sort of epiphany, but he definitely got me thinking. What am I waiting for? Am I scared? Should I just face my fear?

With that being said... here's my New Years resolution:
To take one spontaneous trip. By myself. Before the end of the year.
Go somewhere for a weekend, take pictures, tour museums. Spend sometime by myself, maybe make a new friend, do what I love without any limits.

****for all you nosey readers (you know who you are), don't get any ideas about interogating me about this.